LISTEN TO THE SONG
OF THE
Dr.
Guo Hui Zhen
Introduction:
Dr.
Guo Hui Zhen was an oncologist. She was
very motivated, enthusiastic, and wholehearted in her work. Her compassion and sincerity not only
encouraged the sick, but also wakened the healthy ones, influenced them to
study the Buddha Dharma and to recite the Buddha’s name.
The
following is a very rich and emotional speech with friends at the “Wisdom
Buddhist Study Society” of
In
this life amidst the sea of suffering, we are still attached and unable to let
go of everything that is “ours”. Everyone is busy from dawn to dusk throughout
his or her life. At the end when the
final minute has arrived, we look back and lament that life has passed in vain. Dear
all, what would you want your life to be?
How do you escape the binding of
the birth-and-death cycle? We hope that this speech will bring the facts
and reflection that will help you to find the direction back to your original
homeland!
All
Respected Teachers and Friends:
As I
stand before you, I am very hesitant and embarrassed, especially when I see
that the majority of the audience is equivalent to my seniors and
teachers. First of all, I would like to explain why a mediocre person like me
could go up and speak with all of you?
The reason is due to the influence of one of my patients, and I often
retell the story of how this patient helped me to understand many issues in
life. We often have to pay a very high
price in order to understand one sentence in a Sutra [2],
even if it is a very simple one.
This
patient was in her thirties and she got colon cancer. She kept crying when she came to the
hospital. At that time, I was only an
Oncologist Intern. Looking at her medical history, I found that she went
through two surgeries, but the cancer kept coming back. Indeed, there was no cure. She kept crying until she could not talk, and
she was not sure of what to do. She
wanted to talk to the doctor to find more about her condition. After my shift was over that day, I visited
her and at the same time, introduced her to some basic principles of
Buddhism. Unexpectedly, she was deeply
moved and said with wide-open eyes: “All
these years, why nobody ever told me about these principles? Why did I have to endure thirty plus years
full of sufferings and not until my life almost ends that I can hear about the
Buddha Dharma [3]?” These were just a few short sentences, but
they seemed to penetrate through my heart.
Afterward, she cried miserably, and so did I.
At
that time, Master Xue Gung [4]
was still alive, and he lectured on the sutra on every Wednesday of the
week. Everyday after work, I usually
stayed in the hospital to talk and comfort the patients, except on Wednesdays
since I had to attend the Master's lectures.
She saw that I was very happy on Wednesday as I prepared myself for
attending the lectures, so she said, “I
hope that I can go too, but regrettably, I do not have the chance.” I replied, “In the future, you will have the opportunity.” Finally, she did make it to the lecture. When I arrived at the Flower Adornment Hall
of Tse Guang Library, I saw her sitting in the first row. However, half way through the lecture she
grasped her belly, cried and walked out.
Her conditions deteriorated and caused her too much pain so that she
could not listen to the lecture any longer.
At that moment, I suddenly understood the meaning of one sentence in the
Opening Verse [5]
of the Sutra:
“The unsurpassed, deep, profound,
and wonderful Dharma,
In a hundred thousand million of eons
is extremely difficult to encounter,
Now that I’ve come to receive and hold
it within my sight and hearing,
I vow to fathom the Tathagata’s [6]
true and actual meaning.”
Influenced by her,
from that day on, I am no longer mindful about my scanty understanding. I
always try to work harder, and urgently introduce the essential principles in
Buddha Dharma [that I can understand] to everybody; I talk to everybody about
the happiness that Buddha Dharma can bring to us. Money cannot buy this kind of happiness, and
thieves cannot steal it. Regardless of
circumstances and states, and how people try to measure this kind of happiness
base on their worldly concepts of “blessing” and “disaster”, our inner mind
always have the full peace, happiness, and brightness.
I asked Dharma friends in the Buddhist Study
Society about the topic they are investigating, or the sutra they are studying
in this session. Uncle Xu told me that
they are studying the “Sutra of the Eight Great Human Enlightenments”. Surely,
everyone has read this Sutra and possibly memorized it as well.
The
First Enlightenment is:
“The
world is impermanent. Countries are perilous and fragile. The body is a source
of pain and composed of four elements
[7],
ultimately empty. The five skandhas [8]
are not the true Self [9]. Life and Death are nothing, but a series of
transformations….”
Despite
knowing the principles by heart, most of us do not believe in them. Although
the Buddha said that the world itself is full of sufferings and impermanent,
but on the contrary, you might feel that it is a very happy place. Every morning when you get up, you eat
breakfast, drink coffee; your eyes will see the clear sky and the white clouds.
Ah! life itself is so beautiful and happy!
If this is the case, then it is normal.
However, the moments of happiness pass by so quickly. Supposedly some challenges or difficulties
suddenly arise, and you will not see the clear sky and the white clouds
anymore. You will not see the blooming
of hundreds of flower [10]. Your mind will no longer feel happy.
I
would like to tell you a few true stories that I encountered in the
hospital. In these stories, each patient
was my teacher; each of them taught me a principle that the Buddha talked about
in the sutras. They verified and proved
the Buddha’s teaching. They caused me to
have absolute faith in the Buddha’s words, and that the Buddha was “The one who
tells the truth, and never lies.”
Many
patients asked me, “Doctor, how old are you?”
I
replied, “Thirty two years old”.
They
then would ask, “Are you married yet?
I can introduce you to…?”
I
would then ask them, “Is your life happy?” Strangely, no one ever said, “Yes!”
Until
one day, I encountered a patient with uterine cancer. Each time she came, she always put on her
make up very nicely, with red lips and beautiful polished nails on her fingers
and toes. After the examination, she
wanted to introduce me to someone.
She
said, “My nephew works at Guo Tai Hospital.
He is a very courteous and a gentleman.”
I
asked her, “You are very happy, aren’t you?”
She
replied, “Yes, my husband treats me very well. My children are very filial, and we are well
off.”
If
that was the case, I would like to congratulate her. She was the only one who said that she had
happiness. I was happy for her because
when patients came to the hospital, they often cried and lamented:
“Doctor,
don’t you know? I have to borrow others’
money for the examination. My children
are not happy at all.”
Or,
“Oh,
when I go home, no one pays attention to me.
I have been sickened for too long and people do not want to take care of
me anymore.”
Also,
no one asked, “Dad, have you eaten yet?”
Or, “Since
I got this illness, my husband left me.”
The
majority belonged to this last type of people.
The details of each case might vary, but the content was quite
similar. Only this lady was very lucky
to have happiness. A short while after
her visit, one of the nurses read the newspaper and surprisingly found that the
lady had killed herself. The nurse told
me, “The newspaper reported that her body was found by the river. She left her home for about five days, after
which she committed suicide.”
I
asked, “That lady was very blissful, very happy. Why did she commit suicide?”
Honored
audience, try to think about it. Why
could her husband’s love not change her suicidal thought? Why was the filiality of her children also
unable to pull her back? Why money could
not buy a peaceful mind? Her
husband’s love and the filiality of the children still could not replace the
pain in her body. Why was that such a
beautiful woman had to run away from home, wandered around, and finally jumped
into the river?
Probably,
she felt that life was so beautiful before.
She never experienced any suffering, and she did not know that “The
world is impermanent, countries are fragile.” Her mind was not prepared
psychologically. Therefore, when
challenges arose, she could not handle them.
She did not have the “immunization” to protect her from these
challenges, and she was not capable of fighting back. She could not endure the pain and had to kill
herself instead. I was very regretful
that I did not introduce Buddha Dharma to her so that she could change her mind
and turn toward the light, toward Amitabha Buddha [11]. For these kinds of sufferings perhaps
everyone might think, “This is only a minority, only few would commit
suicide.”
In
reality, there were many suicide cases.
I worked in the Oncology department, if there were one single day that
we did not encounter patients wanting to take their lives, then that day would
be considered as a very rare day, a very auspicious day! The truth was that everyday I often heard the
saying: “The sooner I die the better.”
When people wished for better health and caring but did not receive
them, they often wanted to take their lives.
At night in the hospital, I usually had to resolve these suicidal
cases. It was not that people did not
want to live anymore, but because the pain from the illness was too much. They just did not know how to handle it.
Besides,
there were patients who could neither live nor die. They laid and moaned miserably in bed. There was one patient with a cancerous ulcer
in the area below the abdomen. Surgeons
had to create a temporary anus on the abdomen, but there was no way to cure the
cancer. The excrement just came out
directly from the gut. This patient’s
room was on the third floor, but you could smell the odor all the way from the
second floor. It was not that this
patient had anything special, but it would be the same when any of us encountered
a similar situation. When her children
took care of her, they had to wear a mask covering their mouths and noses. Everyday she wanted to kill herself, but she
did not have the chance. One day, her
son went out to get her breakfast, she tried her best to get up, climbed over
the window, and jumped off. As she
jumped off, her son had just returned.
He quickly ran over to rescue her.
Instead, she fell
from third floor and was seriously injured. Having already suffered from the illness and
with the additional injury, everyday the pain was indescribable for
her. She could neither live nor
die. Her life was not over yet, and
suicide was of no use. Even if she
succeeded, she would endlessly
reincarnate in the six realms [12]. The endless pain and sufferings will cycle
itself.
The poet Rabindranath
Tagore has said:
“To live like a
beautiful summer blossom, to die like a beautiful autumn moon”
Do
you want to live like “a beautiful summer blossom?” Perhaps, it is not difficult to do
so. However, to die like “a beautiful
autumn moon” you need to work very hard to prepare for it! Many times, there were people criticizing
those who studied Buddhism and said, “Oh
gosh, how come you all like to talk about “dying” and about the “end”,
as if you don’t care about life anymore.
There are many things to do in life, especially for those of you who
practice the Pure Land Method [13]. Everyday,
you recite Amitabha Buddha to
prepare to be reborn in the West. This
is too pessimistic.” The truth is
that our life journey is similar to that of painting a dragon. Each touch, each color is very
important. The time of passing is
similar to that of putting the last touch to the eyes of the dragon. The times of birth and death are very
important. There is no single touch that
can be done casually. Reciting Buddha’s
name is a terrific method of cultivating the best thought for the mind. Work hard at it while we are alive, and
toward the end, this is the best of the best.
I
have been speaking for a while now, but I still have not talked about the main
topic of the day, “Listen to the Song of the Ganges River.” A few years ago, I had the opportunity to
visit India. When I sat on a boat that
was sailing along the bank of the Ganges River [14],
my mind was very calm and peaceful. The
sounds of the river gave me the feeling as if I was moving in the water of Life
and Death”. When listening to these
sounds, I heard the sounds of children and adults, of crying and laughing. All of these sound blended together to form
the ten-thousand-merited Holy Name “Amitabha Buddha.” Let us look at the images of the Ganges
River, every single bobbing wave, your own shadow, your relatives and friends,
the sunset, the bird and the floating clouds in the horizon, all these images
blended to form the river of “Life”.
Let us look together at these images and listen to the Song of the
Ganges River, from the Song of “Life-and-Death Cycle of the Ganges River”
to the Song of “The Enlightened Buddha.”
With us, the Ganges is a very familiar river because in the sutras, the
Buddha often used the terminology “sands
of the Ganges River” to depict the meaning of “measureless and
boundless”. In this “Ganges River of
Life”, we are the people swimming across the river.
The
boat kept advancing to a place by the riverbank where people were cremated. The
Indian way of cremation is very simple.
They do not need a coffin, but use only a piece of cloth to wrap the
corpse. They burn the body by the
riverbank. Even Mrs. Gandhi was no exception (she had the flag wrap her
body). The rich folks have enough
firewood, so they can burn the corpse completely to ash and scatter it into the
river. The poor ones, on the other hand,
just burn the corpse casually and dump the remains into the river. When I was sailing pass this area, I saw
remains of a blackened leg that had not yet burned to ash. Let us
try to ask this half-burned leg belonged to whom? Not so long ago, it also had a very soft skin
and it was embraced in the bosom of its mother.
Later, this leg was walking on the green grass. Possibly, many young men wanted to get close
to it. With passing time, this leg
became dry and hardened, as its owner got older. Finally, it turned into a half-burned and
darkened leg, beneath the ash. It would
eventually turn into a pile of sand in the Ganges. Let us look carefully one more time at these
images and listen to the song by the Ganges River. Although these images are Indian but possibly,
they may well be ours.
There
was a man who liked to chew betel nuts [15],
as well as smoking and drinking. Afterward, he developed a cancerous lesion in
his mouth. By the time he came to the
hospital for examination, the cancer site already spread to the jaw and
penetrated through the cheek. The
ulcerous site kept oozing yellow fluid.
When he ate or drank, the food would leak out through the hole. Even as he drank his favorite wine, it would
still be very painful. When he chewed
betel nuts, it would hurt as if he was “swallowing hot iron pellets.” His once strong and muscular body got skinnier
and skinnier due to his inability to eat or drink. Eventually, we had to put a feeding tube
through his nose into the stomach.
His
wife expressed remorse and said that they used to quarrel a lot
previously. She told me that she cursed
him, “Fine! You keep scolding me, you
will get mouth cancer- I curse you to have mouth cancer. Unexpectedly, he really got mouth cancer, and
I was the one who suffered the most.
Besides taking care of his wounds, I had to go everywhere looking for
doctors to treat him, in addition to trying to find money to pay for the
treatments. It was miserables beyond
description”. Had she known today’s
miseries ahead of time, she would appreciate the good time and tell him, “When
you scold me, I would rather bow to the Buddha one hundred times and transfer
the merit and virtue to you. I would
invite you to eat good food and would never use evil words to curse you.”
Is it better for two people to recite The
Buddha’s name together amidst the kind-and-compassionate wisdom light of the
Buddha instead of arguing?
Regrettably, we often chose the way that caused pain and miseries to
each other. When we are not sick yet, we
abuse this body mercilessly. When we get
sick, we blame the heaven and the earth.
Hopefully, in this life’s very short and temporary union, we should
treat each other with compassion and sincerity.
Hatred and anger only create a road full of thorns and sufferings for
us.
This
man really loved fishing. With the betel
nuts and wine along with the fishing rod in hand, he excitedly strolled toward the
riverbank. Not until he got ulcerous
mouth cancer, did he awaken and realize the feelings of the fish when the hook
penetrated through its mouth? He spoke with
great difficulty because of the ulcerous mouth.
When I took care of his wound, he tried to bear the pain and expressed
his remorse. He now realized that the fish was suffered by his
desire to have a little fun for the moment. The same sufferings of having a punctured
mouth now came back to him. When he
swallowed food, he felt as if his throat was burning or stabbing with a
knife. It was so painful that he wanted
to twist his body just as a hooked fish twisted its body trying its best to
escape the hook. He taught me an
unforgettable lesson. Indeed, “Cause-and-effect is not off by a penny.”
There
was a poem as following:
Don’t look down on the weak living beings.
Their flesh, skin, and bones are not different
from us!
Do not shoot the bird on the branch.
The young birds in the nest are waiting for
their mother.
There
was another person with oral cancer. He
went through a series of complex surgeries to remove the cancer cells from the
cheek, followed by a transplant of his own skin from the chest area to close
the defect of the wound. These
complicated operations required lots of endurance.
At
night, when I was on my rounds, I could see him staring at the ceiling. It was already late, but he still could not
sleep. Outside, the sky was dark and
cold. Desperately, he
cries in silence. How are we going to comfort these patients? He was waiting for the second operation but
did not make it to the last one. Probably, we often postpone doing something,
but we may not live until then.
Therefore, good things need to be done right away. Let’s recite the Buddha’s name; let’s recite
immediately!
When
taking care of patients with oral cancer, I often thought that sometimes I got
inner mouth sores. It was already very
painful, especially when eating sour or hot food, it would cause burning pain. Far worse was for these people with cancerous
mouths. They would shiver in pain even
when drinking cold water. When we open
our mouth and speak improperly even for a few seconds, we may cause lifelong
pain to the listener, and the retribution we would receive is just as painful
as people with oral cancer! Although
betel nuts and wine can bring you a little enjoyment for the moment, they can
also bring unbelievable pain once you fell ill.
We ought to be careful since one
second or minute of happiness passes by very quickly; however, one day on the
sickbed seems to last a hundred years.
An automatic door connected examination rooms 1 and 2 of the hospital. One day, I saw a lady in her fifties lying in room 1. She had breast cancer, and she needed a certain kind of drug but her health insurance had not yet agreed to pay for the medicine. Besides dealing with the pain, she needed to find money to defray the medical expenses. She often cried silently for unable to bear such great pressure.
Room 2 at the
time had another lady with breast cancer whose was in her thirties. She learnt about the story of the lady in
room 1, so she took all the money from her pocket and told me: “Doctor, please give to the lady in the next
room.” She was crying and saying at
the same time, “We both suffer the same
misery.” I was deeply moved, and I
praised her compassionate Bodhisattva’s mind.
I knew that her situation was far worse than the lady in room 1. Her children were very young and she had to
hire someone to take care of them. Her
husband’s salary was very low, and there was no medical insurance. All their
savings were gone to defray hospital and surgery cost. When she was referred to the hospital for
chemotherapy, she was about to let it go and did not want the treatment since
she had no money. She just let her
destiny ran its own course. However,
when she saw the phrase on the wall: “Even
if tomorrow is the last day, tonight I still must plant a garden full with
lotus flowers”, she thought it over and then went to her mom to borrow
money and continue with the therapy to maintain her life. She said, “Life
itself is indeed impermanent and there are many painful challenges. Although I have no great ability, I have a
little wish that hopefully, I can do my best to help out people in similar
circumstances so that they can leave the sufferings and attain happiness.”
I was deeply touched! Both
persons had cancer but one was sad and miserable; the other got out of her
sufferings to help, to comfort, and to wipe the tears of others. She was able to develop her potential
power. While alive, she could plant a
lotus flower every day. Gradually, she
would get a pond full with fragrant lotus flowers. Think about it. Treating critical illness requires lots of
endurance and torment. If we replace the
torment with a life of sadness and miseries, is it very sorry? Why don’t we plant “pure lotus flowers” in
our inner mind, so that even a smile can be considered as a gift that can bring
happiness to us and to others. There
is a saying that, “Only one single
thought of compassion arises, any serious illness is no obstruction!”
There was a
six-year-old boy with lymphatic cancer.
Even at that young age, he already endured a lot suffering. Each time his white blood count went up, the
doctor had to inject him a drug that had nauseating and vomiting side
effects. The boy was at his happiest
when his white blood count went all the way down to such a low level so that
doctor could not give any more chemotherapy for fear of life-endangered-infections. Each time he encountered this phenomenon, he
was as happy as if he was released from the jail because temporarily, he was
“exempted from the torture”. He told
me, “Everyday,
besides watching TV is nothing but also watching TV.” His family was fairly well off so he got his
own room in the hospital. He said, “My aunt is getting married; she invites me
to be the bride boy in her wedding. If I
can grow up, that would be best. I am
not sure if I can grow up?”
These were the
words of a six-year-old boy. Indeed,
they caused people who heard them feel sorrowful. On one occasions, he sat in the room waiting
for the injection. Before that, he was
very happy when he brought his toys along.
However, as he got to the door, he recalled the “sufferings are coming,
they are about to start” so he lost all interest. Sometimes, he bit his teeth tightly, found a
blood vein on the hand himself and said, “Get
the blood here.” Other times, he was
very sad and refused to enter the room.
He cried but no sound came out.
He only cried softly and the tears bead his eyelash. The first time he came for a blood draw from
the ear, he cried for a full two hours.
Until now, he had been endured so many times. He realized that crying or spoiling would not
help, so he courageously endured. What a
pitiful boy! In life, if we do not want to get old, we have to die young. If we don’t want to die young then we have to
get old!
There was one
person in his thirties who had the final stage of nose cancer. Normally, if people die when they are only
thirty years old, then perhaps, you will say, it is a short life. However, this lady was only in her thirties,
and her family members already could not stand her anymore. Her husband had to take care of her and the
children. He kept asking for days off
and as a result, he lost his job. The
entire household was desperate financially and had to request the Tzu-Chi
Foundation [16]
for help. The Tzu-Chi Foundation agreed
to give her a large sum of money to help her with the hospital cost. Her mother had been waiting for too long so
she lamented, “Why is it too long but
they have not brought us the money? It
is too long!” I replied, “People do not owe you money. The money comes from the Foundation’s members
who painstakingly save, and compassionately give out to help others. They cannot bear to see you suffer, but it is
not that they are rich.” She heaved
a deep sigh! “Do not worry about money anymore!”
The atmosphere in the family was still very tight. The patient herself also did not feel
comfortable to live on. Her mother being
exhausted from taking care of her, so she said, “Why don’t you die soon? You
make us suffer with you!” Her
husband having been suffered too much, so he kept asking me, “How long will she prolong?” I replied, “Please do not use the word ‘prolong’, will you?” Being able to live one day in this life is
already very precious. Being together in
one day is very rare indeed. If we focus
our attention only in the miseries and the darkness in our life, then even
without illness, we will still “prolong” our life. If we think optimistically about good things,
and even if life is full of obstacles, then it is still worthy to live on. If we cherish life, then living up to thirty
years old has twice the longevity of the fifteen years old. Compare with a six years old person, you live
five times as long.
The mind can change destiny. I had a friend who had bone cancer when she
was in her thirties. Totally, she had to
go through twenty surgeries. One time,
the veins kept bleeding and one leg had to be amputated. Her life was much more difficult than that of
the person mentioned above. However,
because she knew how to apply Buddha Dharma and used the grateful mind to treat
each other, her family lived happier than before she got cancer.
She told me, “I am very lucky. I lost one leg but I can hear the Buddha
Dharma. If not, I don’t know how much
bad karma I would commit and subsequently, I have to reap the painful retribution.” Her husband waited outside the operation room
for all these twenty surgeries. Can you feel his emotion? He took care of her as that of a Bodhisattva,
not complaining the least. After knowing
Buddha Dharma, she used the crutch and together with her husband, they cooked
and brought foods to patients with similar illness, and advised them to recite
the Buddha’s name.
I promised her, “You memorize the Amitabha Sutra, and then
we will go to the mountain together.
Both of us can walk and bow to transfer the merits to cancer patients.” Therefore, her entire family studied the
sutra with her. Her son who was still in
grade school, told her that: “If mommy
can memorize the Amitabha Sutra without missing a word, I will give you 500
yuans (Taiwan dollars) as a reward.”
She stayed home to do craftwork and to study the Sutra or to recite the
Buddha’s name. At night, she recited the
sutra for everyone to hear. The day she
memorized the entire sutra, she said, “On
that day my entire family has never been happier.” Including her son’s reward and the money she
earned while studying sutra, she had 4000 yuans. She offered the entire amount to the Triple
Jewels (The Buddha, The Dharma, and The Sangha). Since she wanted to go to the mountain, each
night when her family members were sleeping, she had to practice bowing to the
Buddha. You would be almost in tears if you see how she bowed with one leg. Her husband tried to obtain donation to get
her an artificial leg. She replied, “If you can secure donation of 10,000 yuans,
then please give me the money. I can
donate to others because having one leg is enough.” She pointed to the crutches and said, “I am not missing one leg but contrarily, I
have one extra leg.” When she said
this sentence, her cancer cells had spread to her lungs, so she needed surgery
and chemotherapy one more time. Her face
was pinkish and she often had a very bright smile. Many times her smile was brighter than those
who are not sick. She said, “Although we are not rich, but now we are a
lot happier than before my leg was amputated.”
People who
recite the Buddha’s name can live in the Pure Land right in this very
life. They can live in a happy and
peaceful atmosphere of daily life. Like
the majority of cancer patients, she also could not avoid financial
difficulties. Someone invited her to
open a store for children to play electronic games, so she could earn lots of
money. She said, “I want to test my husband, so I bring this idea up to him.” She was very happy when he said, “We are people who recite The Buddha’s
name. We are afraid our children will
get trapped by electronic games, so how can we bear to hurt others’ children?” I really admired and respected this
couple. Although they faced
difficulties, they had very superior behaviors.
Many families fell into darkness because of financial difficulties. On the contrary, her family was able to turn
toward the Buddha since illness. They changed the obstacles into bundles of
fragrant flowers. They deserved to serve
as models for others.
There was a
person with jaw cancer. He had to
undergo surgery to remove the cancer cells, and in the process, his lower jaw
was removed as well. Doctors had to
remove the skin on the chest and used it to cover the lower jaw area. Subsequently, he became a person with no
lips. He could not eat but only drink
soup or liquid food. He could not sit
and eat as a normal person would.
Rather, he had to lie down to eat or else the food would come out. Since
he had no lips, there was no such thing as “mouth close”.
Just look at
these people on how they could do their best to endure and to struggle against
illnesses. Many times, I asked myself why am I luckier than they
are. While suffering as such, but
whoever worked hard could overcome the challenges. Although they had different circumstances,
attitudes, and ways of looking at things, nevertheless, they all deeply
believed in what the Buddha said. When I
explained the Buddha’s teaching to the young, many times I had to repeat until
my throat turned dry, but they still did not believe. However, with the ones who were suffering in
the hospital, I did not have to say anything but ask, “Is it uncomfortable? Is it
painful?”
They replied, “Very
uncomfortable, very painful.”
I said, “The Buddha
said the world is a sea of sufferings. Let’s recite Amitabha Buddha, turn our
mind toward the light, leave the sufferings and attain bliss. ”
They did not say anymore, but immediately recited Amitabha
Buddha. No wonder why there was a saying
that “The Buddhas of the three periods
[17] and the ten directions treat eight kinds of
sufferings as the teacher.”
“Sufferings” is the best teacher, but
why do we wait until then?
There was another patient with jaw cancer. He was blind and cancer cells already spread
to the neck. Yellow fluid kept oozing
down from the cheek. His daughter-in-law
said, “At home, I had to spray with
countless perfumes but could not get rid of the odor.” After hearing that, I told her privately, “I usually see you taking your father-in-law
for examination. You are very
filial. Taking care of a cancer patient
is very hard, but the Buddha said, ‘In eight fields of blessings, taking care
of the sick is the best field of blessings.’ If you
really take good care of him and make him happy, naturally, your blessings will
be measureless. One day we will get old and sick.
The way in which we treat our elders, our children will follow our suit
and treat us the same. We have to pay
close attention. Even a single action, a
very casual saying, we need to be compassionate and pitied the patients. Patients do not want to have the odor. Today, one in three or four people will have
cancer. If that person is you, then you
will have the odor as well. It is not up
to them. Therefore, if you have some
more tolerance, you will have more blessings.”
Because of his blindness, he inquired very carefully about
his medical conditions: “What is the real
condition of my illness? Doctor, tell me
the truth. It does not matter. What I worry most right now is that I still
have a son who has not married yet!”
Oh, people indeed have endless afflictions. He had serious illness but not worried about
it, instead, he kept worrying about the “son
who has not married!”
When
a person is not capable of helping himself, then he has no power nor way to
worry for others. If you cannot cross
over your own sea of sufferings, then you cannot save others and help them to
cross over the sea.
There was one patient with dragon and tiger tattoos on the
chest. He probably belonged to some
gangs previously. Ever since he
contracted mouth cancer, he started to repent sincerely. He said, “I
deserved it.” He had no complaint,
but sincerely repented and helped other patients. He tried his best to do good work. After many difficulties, he finally overcame.
I often heard patients complaining, “In my entire life, I did not do bad things nor hurt anyone. God indeed has no eyes. Why let me have such painful illness?” This remark
makes me
think. Is it really that way? Did we ever do anything evil? If this is the case, then we are all
sages. Look at the Buddha’s
teaching. Since young until old, we got
angry when encountering things not in our way.
When we open our mouth, we scolded others. Because of desires for food and drink, we did
not care about the baby chicks losing their mothers. We paid no attention to the piglet having a
life-and-death separation from its family.
We did not tell the truth, did not work hard, argued and not followed
our parents’ words, etc. There was nothing that was not under control by greed,
anger, and ignorance.
People who planted vegetables knew that although the seeds
were small but they grew up into big vegetables. When retribution was not here yet, we even
dared to talk ill about others. Or,
while we were angry, we spoke of harsh words to hurt others. We dared to invite others to eat live
seafood. When retribution appeared, we
would realize that the sufferings were unbearable and we prayed in order to
eradicate our karma.
Venerable Master Guang Qin [18]
said:
“[One] must eradicate
the roots of the karmic obstacles from the body, mouth, and the mind".
In other words, when greedy for food, think that the carp,
the catfish is also a living being that the Buddhas of the Ten Directions have
the love and compassion for. Speaking
so, then they are also our siblings.
They are someone that the Buddhas have the pity for, and their mothers
are waiting for them. When we want to
get upset, we have to understand that everything is like a dream. Therefore, do not get angry anymore. If we cannot stand and want to scold others,
think that they are living beings that Amitabha Buddha has been waiting for day
and night to save and to bring them back to his land. These living beings are also bound by the
power of karma, and they have afflictions.
Therefore, change our mind to think about the Buddha and recite the
Buddha’s name. If we can work hard to
change ourselves and don’t allow our habit of language, behavior, and thoughts
to obstruct us, our karma will be eradicated.
The sufferings of illness will also be neutralized and lessened by the
soft and compassionate mind.
I met a high school teacher who was an extraordinary
patient. Each time passing by the
hospital beds, I used the studious mind to watch the patients. When this patient was hospitalized, cancer
already spread to the spinal cord and compressed against the nerves so that his
two legs could no longer move. After a
period of chemotherapy, he could walk reluctantly
with the crutches. The toilet was next
to the bed but to him, it was quite a distance.
He often struggled very hard in order to sit up and to go to the
toilet. Although his body was very weak,
his eyes were full of spirits. He spoke
with great difficulties because of the brain cancer. When sleeping, he could not close the
eyes. Later on, his leg bones were
broken.
In spite of
serious illness, he said, “Regretfully, I
cannot teach anymore!” (He was a
very devoted teacher). He said, “Having been through this very painful
illness allows me to understand more about life and the sufferings of
everyone. I will love and take care of
my students even more. Regrettably, I
don’t have the opportunity anymore!”
I replied, “You are a much
respected teacher. Just look at your
aspiration while being sick is enough to tell.”
On bed, he tried
hard to sit up but could only raise his head three inches. Whenever we want to sit up, we can sit up
immediately. He struggled so hard until
he sweated all over his shirt but he could “almost”
sitting up. However, he was very happy
and said, “Today I can move quite a
distance.” To me, when he could sit
up about 30-40 degrees, he deserved more respect than those long jump athletes
in the Olympic. Besides struggling
physically, he still aspired to continue teaching and caring for the
students.
Ordinary people are healthy and full of spirit daily. However, we often calculate and petty only to
bring afflictions upon ourselves. We
usually complain about our work. We have
the ability and the strength but we do not want to do good work. He was a bedridden patient but aspired to
come back to teaching and caring more for the students. Although he could not do so physically, his
vast and sincere vow already brought him to the podium forever, and he became
the teacher for ten of thousands of people.
There was one person who had final stage of tongue
cancer. Cancerous cells from the tongue
already spread to the lower jaw. In the
beginning, he was healthy enough to stand and to walk by himself. Then, he needed two people to support on two
sides in order to walk. Next, he had to
sit on wheelchair and finally, he could not move anymore. Yellow fluid kept oozing out from the
cancerous sites. Each time I came to
change the dressing, he often asked me, “Why
is it getting bigger?” He could not
speak clearly. When I cleaned the wound
and changed the dressing, his eyes looked at me as if asking, “Can I recover? Am I about to die, is it
true?” This fearful mind is the
picture of the “life-and-death on the Ganges River.”
When living beings have to confront life and death, every
one feels lonely, fearful, terrified.
Even a mother in her eighties curled herself into my heart and cried
like a baby… One day I went to the sutra lecture and passing by T.H.
Street. It was very cold at the
time. There was a newly opened shop that
sells deer meat. I rode my motorcycle
passing by and saw three deers standing shyly in a cage. Their eyes were very familiar to me. They looked like the eyes of the patients who
were currently in the hospital, as if they were saying, “Am I about to die? Please save
me quickly. Whatever medicine, whatever
method…” Poor deers! Let us release
them! Release them back to the
forest! Once their respiration stops,
there is no way to make them breath again.
I quickly find the shop owner to beg him not to kill them. I turned around and bought the deers to
free. When the shop owner heard that we
wanted to liberate the deers, he said emotionally, “I am the one who raises the deer and love them very much, and never
would kill them. However, because of
financial difficulty, reluctantly today I have to sell them for meat. I am myself also in lots of pain!”
I was very touch
after hearing that. Living beings
created karma and received retribution.
They all had unwanted sufferings.
The truth is that everyone has the Buddha nature. This is also the very reason why Amitabha
Buddha is always tolerant, compassionate, and waiting for us to have a single
thought of returning to his light. We
bought the deers and helped them to take refuge with the Triple Jewels (The
Buddha, The Dharma, and The Sangha), and released them to the forest. Hopefully, they would not be captured
back. We also prayed for the hunters to
bring forth the Bodhi mind (enlightened mind), to meet well conditions to
change their occupation, which end the killing karma, so
that they would not suffer the evil retribution.
Patients usually put a catfish [19]
or a carp in a pot under the bed or on the table as supplemental food. When I visited these patients, it seemed like
the fishes were struggling. One day I
came to the bed of a patient with breast cancer. She was a young Christian of about 27 years
old. Can you imagine her
sufferings? Her two hands were always
cold. There was a fish underneath her
bed. I told her:
“There is someone
asking for help underneath your bed?”
She opened her eyes in surprise.
Then, I asked her:
“When you find out
that you have this disease, don’t you really hope for someone to save you?” She nodded, I continued:
“The fish below your
bed knows that it is about to enter a hot pan.
Its feeling is similar to your feelings right now. Would you want to act like Jesus Christ to
save this fish? The fish is requesting for your help.
Can you feel?”
Her eyes redden (wanting to cry), I added:
“You bring forth the
mind to save them. When you have
difficulties or accidents, naturally someone will save you.” She happily agreed to liberate the fish. Afterward, a dharma friend from Tai Chung
Specialty University helped her to liberate the fish….
Many times, I told patients, “Would you sell me this pot of live fish?”
Patients usually
replied, “If you want to eat, I will give
them to you.”
I replied, “I am a vegetarian. I do not eat fish. I want to buy these fishes to liberate and to
transfer the merits to you with the hope that you regain your health, recover
soon and reunite with your family just like the fish to be released.”
Normally, patients who had suffered too much or had experiences near the moment of life and death, understood that “their conditions are similar to those of the fish.” They often brought forth the compassionate mind to liberate the fish. The mind to liberate the fish could often give them happy feelings. It encouraged them to love life and to enrich their lives much more than eating the fish itself.
There was a young man who walked in the city at
midnight. He was stabbed in the belly by
some bad persons and fell down on the street.
Afterward he was taken to the hospital.
His wound was so big that his gut fell out. His liver and gallbladder also were
injured. At midnight, we had to operate
on him. He had no family members to
accompany; therefore, we had to take picture of the wound before the surgery
just in case if the operation did not go well, we would have some evidences to
show that he had injuries previously.
(In present society, saving people is also not an easy matter!) This young man just was engaged not so long
ago. You
can imagine the confusion and worries of his fiancée when hearing he was
wounded? The stuffs inside our belly
indeed are nothing nice. The Buddha told
us to “contemplate the impurities.” Let us try to contemplate. If during engagement, just take the picture
of the bloody belly wound and show it to the partner, surely very few people is
willing to engage with you!
One patient admitted to the hospital for bone
treatment. On the upper part of the leg,
there was a metal stick inserted through the bone and went all the way through
the muscle on the other side. On the
lower part of the leg, another metal stick went through in the same style. You can imagine the face and the painful
screaming of this patient when the stick was inserted through his bone. If that
person is you, can you still smile?
We can try to guess. Do you see where people hanged the roasted
birds at the night market? There are
about five to ten birds strung together into a bundle and hanged in front of
the shop. The painful sufferings we
caused to other living beings will come back to our bodies one day. When that happened, we will feel extremely
painful, not the least comfortable.
However, we often cause sufferings to other living beings indifferently,
and treat as if nothing happens. Think
about the sufferings of other living beings and the long-term happiness. Everyone, please stop doing that, so we do
not “laugh when take the life of an animal, and then lament when enter the
hells.”
There was a
person who had uterine cancer who cried each time she saw me. She was divorced and struggled very hard to
raise the children herself. The young
one just entered primary school when she got this illness. She passed the day with sadness and
afflictions. In reality, her illness was
almost cured previously. If she had some
wisdom in life, then she could have lived happily. People can cure cancer, but the pain in the
mind is not curable unless we use our wisdom and listen to the Buddha
Dharma. She was treated with
chemotherapy and surgery. She only did
not invite the Buddha to be the surgeon for her mind; the most effective
surgery is the surgery of the mind. Get
rid of the roots of affliction. This
will stop her from holding on to the big old tree of afflictions daily so that
she will not mistakenly thinking that the tree actually holds on to her.
There was an old lady admitted to the hospital with the
bandage fully covering her eyes. As I
opened the bandage, I felt a sharp pain in my heart! This old lady had a very gentle face. Her eyes were scooped out of the sockets due
to cancer. Do we ever think of using the chopsticks to scoop out the eyes of the
fish on the dining table? Let’s try
to think about Helen Keller, a great person who was deaf, mute, and blind,
wrote like so: “If my eyes can brighten
up for only three days, only three days…” We may run into some
circumstances and lose our eyes. However, when we still have both eyes, we
keep looking east, west, and bring afflictions to ourselves? Why do we not look at the compassionated eyes
of the Buddha? Why do we not look toward
the direction of the Measureless Light? [20] We often use our precious eyes to look at
rubbish around, or take others’ rubbish and put them into our mind. Over a long period, the entire inner mind is
similar to the stinky trash container; we have to be separated from the
Bodhisattvas in the Great Pure Sea-like Assembly [21]. Please open the eyes of the inner mind. While we can see, [we should] see the
niceties of others, and study the strong points of others. Let’s feel a little more. Let’s look at the “adorned and majestic eyes as wide as the four oceans of Amitabha
Buddha.” [22] Look at the extremely adorned and beautiful
sceneries of the Land of Ultimate Bliss and the hearts as vast as the sea of
the Bodhisattvas.
There was one person with esophageal cancer. Breathing was very difficult for her. She got two tubes: one from the nose to the
lung to help with respiration and the other into the stomach for feeding. Sometimes, she tried very hard in order to
cough. With each cough, the pain was so
intense with each cough as if her liver and guts
were tearing apart. Her entire body
shivered with pain. Her husband could
not stand to see, so he ran out to the balcony to cry. Sometimes I went to the market, I saw chicken
hanging on the meat counter; these chickens were so pitiful. Each chicken’s neck was drilled a hole so
that it could be hanged, and very few people pitied their pains. However, if the person got the breathing tube
in the nose was your wife, children, or your mother, and then you would be in
intense pain when they coughed or breathed out.
There was a butcher who had lung cancer for a while and
passed away. I heard the story from his
wife and children that when he came home, he was unconscious for few days. However, he kept screaming and yelling:
“Quickly take the pig
livers hanging on the wall away.” Or,
“Quickly take the pig’s
head away.”
He kept screaming like that day-and-night for a few
consecutive days. Everyone in the family
was terrified until their hairs stood on end, but they did not understand what
he was talking about. The appearances
when he passed away were very frightening.
He endured a lot of suffering. From
that point on, his family members realized the cause-and-effects of the
killings. While he was in the hospital,
I advised his family to recite the Buddha’s name. But
they replied that while they are in sadness and suffering, how could they
recite? Although Amitabha Buddha
has the great kindness and compassion to take people who can recite The
Buddha’s name ten times at the time of death to the Land of Ultimate Bliss, it
is still very hard to recite even when we are healthy because we are confused
by worldly emotions and desires. Much
less so is the time of death when the pains of illness are torturing us!
Let us hope that
other people will hear and see this patient’s manifestation. May they
understand so they can avoid similar sufferings? Hopefully,
the merits of
this person from warning other living beings will help him to leave the
sufferings and to receive by the Buddha.
The living beings that were butchered by him will rely on the sweet dew
of the Buddha Dharma to untangle the karmic knots in their heart and jointly
recite the Amitabha Buddha, jointly reborn to the Western Pure Land.
Healthy people often complain of not having enough
sleep. In the hospital, there were so
many tears, so much prolonged suffering!
People, who were not destined to die yet, lay flat on a bed and complained
that the alarm clock was too noisy.
People, who met their destiny, fought and struggled with life and death
throughout the night.
There was a
person with cancer of the lower jaw that already metastasized to the
throat. He could not swallow anymore;
his breathing was also difficult. Doctors had to drill a hole in his abdomen to
insert a feeding tube into the stomach and another hole in the neck to help the
respiration. We can eat and drink
without the feeding tube or breathing tube; that is quite precious, truly
appreciative! A few days before his
passing, we could say that he bled some blood everyday. Once every two to three days he would bleed
more blood. Blood came out from the
mouth and the nose, from the breathing tube.
Nurses and resident doctors really wanted to save him, but they could
only stand on the side to hold a basin to catch his blood. Then they had to transfuse blood for him
because his blood came out from the areas where they could not stop. One time his blood stained my body. His eyes reddened and swelled up in a very
frightening way. The whole night we were
at his side to take care of him and to catch his blood. In the morning, I still had to see patients,
so I requested a friend to bring me a dress.
I could change mine dress, but he could not change his! Do
you know that each time he moved, there would be more bleeding? We had to transfuse blood continuously to
him, but we still could not keep up with the blood coming out from his
body. No medicine worked. His body kept bleeding and tortured him all
day and night. People wanted to close
their eyes peacefully, but it was not that simple!
From that day on, I understood some more about the life and
death matter. The reflecting image in
the Ganges River could very well be my own shadow.
A sixteen-year-old boy was in the top of his class. He had brain cancer and went through four
brain surgeries, three of which were in the same year. This time he was hospitalized to receive
chemotherapy. His skull bone was cut a
portion, therefore his head had a depression.
Fortunately, he was still alive and had the chance to hear the Buddha
Dharma. One day, I received a thankful
postcard from his dad. In the card, his
father mentioned that he requested him write to me hoping I would please send
him a Buddha statue, so he can pay respect to.
The father was very formal and afraid to bother me, as if he was very
reluctant to request for the Buddha statue.
I was moved into tears and immediately, I went and got an Amitabha
Buddha statue for his son. He lived in
Fung Yuen. I was too busy so I requested
a nurse to bring it to him. The nurse
told me later that when she just arrived, the boy immediately sat up. He
walked wobbly, since half of his body was nearly unmovable. However, he was very excited and vigorously
bowed to the Buddha. Seeing that, the
nurse was moved and said: “My four limbs are well but I never wanted
to bow to the Buddha previously. Seeing
the boy’s sincerity and gathering all his might to bow to the Buddha makes me
feel very embarrassed.”
When people are healthy and can move around well, they think it is normal. They do not appreciate it. The healthy body does not last long. Earlier, we mentioned that people could lose their mouth, throat, even the brain. Today while we still have the mouth, we should learn to speak nicely and harmoniously, to encourage and to support each other to recite the ten-thousand-merits h